40 years late, out of the gate !

Hi there fellow being. 

Thanks for wanting to understand about me and my journey through life.

I will start in the beginning of being born in 1982 in Manila, Philippines. I come from a supportive family who deeply cherishes family values. We are open minded and welcoming to all walks of life, animals included !

I migrated with my family to Australia in 1990 when I was 10 years old. We had did not have much when we came here but only the love and support of each other. We were helped by St. Vincent De Paul society to start our life here. During this era, we were made to feel as outsiders as racism was very dominant, but this did not stop us from making our lives.

I started at a local school like any migrant, however during my schooling I experienced bullying and this lasted for 2 years. I did not know how to handle this situation, as i did not believe in hurting others, so other people fought my battles but there was no resolution. It wasn't until when I was about to leave that school I decided to fight back. I snapped and released 2 years worth of pain on the person I was afraid of.

It was then I decided that anger and making people afraid of me was the only way I could make sure this experience would never happen again. There was a movie I watched during high school and it influenced me to live a life of intimidation, violence and how to be fearless. So I went out and learned about this life and the people who were in it. I didn't know it then but this was the beginning of my insecurity journey which led to my many failed relationships in the future. I never took the time to build myself after my bullying but I learned to live in a different world where the movie became a reality. The reality was living this life meant you also had enemies. It wasn't until my 18th birthday I was framed for manslaughter, luckily my alibi held and this really made me question if this is the life i wanted to live. I created many bad habits which carried through out my life which i was not aware of until my late 30's.

Not knowing how I wanted to live my life, I wanted to please others and this led me to university. I met many wonderful people but the habit of pleasing others before my own needs, stayed prominent. During this time I had continued to feed the animal of intoxication and substance abuse. I was lost and all I knew was pleasing people. I had no self belief and no motivation to grow. 

After I graduated university I did not want to work in my profession. So I worked an office job, which let time pass and let me continue the debilitating life style. After 15 years of working in the office and pleasing others, something inside me was crying out. I had many failed relationships and a life that was not improving. 

I discovered therapy during one of my failing relationships and this really opened a new world for me. It helped me discover my true self and the passion I kept hidden because of my low self esteem. I indulged in substances, relationships and human needs to fill that void of self esteem. The hardest thing about failures is to accept we have them and we are also responsible for them.

After acknowledging my faults I decided that I needed to take control of my life. The passion of music stayed in me for over 36 years and this is where the journey of my life begins again. I am 40 years old as I write this and I am a firm believer that nothing is ever too late. Life is hard work and I am grateful for my journey because it has allowed me to explore all aspects of life. 

If you are still reading this I am grateful for your energy, remember you can be anything you want. Just learn yourself and accept we all need to grow because a tree cant grow without having strong roots. Become a tree and build your roots. We are not perfect but we can create a perfect environment inside our soul. 

LOVE AND BLESSING - FlowRen